If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
