Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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