It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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