the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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