I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
