Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
