super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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