It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
