Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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