Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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