Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
