I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
