I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.