dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm at about main and main street
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need to sanitize my soul.