I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
