hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
