Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
