my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
