Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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