Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
