my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
