I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
