Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
