I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
