med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
