Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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