I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
