I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
