He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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