ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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