Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
