Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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