I hate all girls vehemently.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
