A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
