based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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