while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
