I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
