No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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