Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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