Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
