normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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