New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
