wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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