I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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