im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
