I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
