Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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