I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
