the new term for farting is butt boxing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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