I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
