best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
