What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
