I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
