dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
