You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
