did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
