note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
