that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
