Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
