Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
