she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
