just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
