just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
