I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
