David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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