I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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