I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
