Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
