Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wear drunk well.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
