your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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