i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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