I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
