Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
