I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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